Nuggets from Art

Nuggets of wisdom and wit from a kindly old mystic cloistered in
a fire proof building on the Cuyahoga.

Published Feature Essays, Stories and Reviews
Videos and Graphics:
Great Pet Pictures

Italy vs. Europe video humor  

More pet pictures.
 

Health

he Dash - a poem about a life
Go Bananas!!!
 
Insights
The Year 1905
Did YOU Know?
Lessons From Yogi
Time and Your Life
A Reminder
 
Patriotic

Thank You America
Wonderful Video created by
a young Naturalized Citizen.

 
 
 

 

The biker, the old lady, two chickens and much, much more.

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot"

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

My kind of humor:

  1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

  2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron. "The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, Iím positive..."

  3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

  4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

  5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

  6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

  7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
     taste funny to you?"

  8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' "
     "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."

  9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

  10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

  11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

  12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the  vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

  13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

  14. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

  15. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

  16. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

  17. Two Inuit sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

  18. What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fish.  

 

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